Thursday, October 15, 2009

Feelings After 4th Miscarriage

This week has been hard for me. I feel so empty without my little Pea. Secondary infertility is not easy to live with. People will say "Sometimes this happens." or "This is how nature weeds out the bad eggs.". These things hurt people like me. The people that say these things do not know the pain I went through to get pregnant and they do not know the pain I have went through going through 4 miscarriages. I do not wish this pain on my worst enemy. TTC (trying to conceive) for a person with infertility is a very hard road to travel. But we travel this road hoping for our healthy babies. We have heart ache, pain, disappointment, anger and more but we press on. Just saying "I am sorry for your loss." is good enough for me. Do not tell me it is for the best or maybe something was wrong with my baby. Understanding is the key to comforting someone that is on this road. I am so glad to have so many blogger friends that understand what I am going through. I love you all and I thank you for your support. I just needed to get some feelings out and what better place to do it. I just need to heal emotionally. The physical healing is the easy part. I let myself believe everything was going to be fine with this last pregnancy. I let my guard down and I loved my little baby that was growing inside of me. Do not get me wrong I loved that little baby from the moment I found out I was pregnant. What I mean is I let myself believe everything was going to be perfect and it made it harder for me when I found out that I was losing my little one. So now for the healing to start.

Today, October 15th is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day.

Missing our babies today:
January 2006
January 2007
January 2009
October 2009


Baby Dust to ALL!!!

11 comments:

Yaya said...

:(

(((Hugs)))

Mrz. Hannah Myhre said...

Love you Jennifer.. And I'm praying for you.

Hugs,
Hannah

UnicornMommy said...

I wish I could say more then "I am sorry" and "I understand what you are going through". I am sorry and I do understand, but sometimes saying those things just arent enough.

Not when someones heart is broken and the pieces seem to small to put back together. I know you love your Bean. I know it as I love my Bug.

I know the feeling of struggling to conceive a second time and the hope that comes with that positive test. A hope that is afraid to shine, but when it does it's so bright that nothing can stop it until it's too late.

Jen, I know how you feel. I am sorry. I understand what you are going through.

I pray one day that you will get the second miracle you so desperately want. I pray if that isn't a possibility you find acceptance in your heart to move forward.

I pray for your little ones lost.

Mary said...

Miscarriage is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I've had three as well before week 7. It's numbing. And maddening. I remember wishing that I couldn't get pregnant at all rather than keep losing babies. There isn't any right thing to say. I'm so sorry.

twondra said...

I'm so sorry sweetie. People try to be "helpful" but they just don't understand and it can be so hurtful. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm praying for you. ((HUGS))

Pat Robinson said...

I was hunting about MTHFR and found your blog. I'm sorry for your recent miscarriage. (Also, consider homeopathic Hypericum for your coccyx discomfort.)

I wanted to be certain you are aware of the need for 5-MTHF folate, rather than synthetic folic acid supplementation. 5-MTHF is a bioactive form of folate which provides methyl groups, and doesn't require the conversion that folic acid does.

Take great care,

Pat
wuweimama@earthlink.net

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you. I have been searching for some comfort after losing my angel at 12 weeks. I have been trying to get pregnat again since then and nothing for 4 months. Reading your wise words helped me and I want to send my love to you in your hurt and loss.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

Lut C. said...

Is that previous comment an attempt at spam? What an odd thing to say.

Anyway, I've arrived here from the crème de la crème list.

I'm sorry for your losses. I can barely imagine what that must be like for you, except that it's hugely painful.

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Anonymous said...

I am not going to be original this time, so all I am going to say that your blog rocks, sad that I don't have suck a writing skills